Is Spending Time for Yourself Actually Selfish?
Someone once told me I was being selfish for prioritizing my own needs. But was I really?
When that accusation was thrown at me, I immediately became defensive, as if I had just been told there was something fundamentally wrong with me. Over the years, though, I've realized that being selfish doesn't necessarily have to be bad; it can also be good.
I always look back at the example of my mother. Throughout her life, including her career as a doctor, she was always giving and putting herself last on the list, never getting to her own needs. She never really did anything for herself, always prioritizing her children, husband, patients, neighbors, with their various demands and requirements. I believe it was only at the age of 50 or later she realized that you need to nurture yourself first.
There is a famous saying, "Fill your cup first" or "Keep your cup full." In other words, in order to give, you first need to have the energy to do so, meaning you must do something for yourself—something that fills you with that very energy. Like a flower that needs watering, sunlight, and nutrients to bloom and release a pleasant scent, people need care, too, and who better to provide it than yourself?
Realizing the power of nurturing yourself before everyone else, I learned to be comfortable saying that I need to prioritize myself first. Because when I do so, I have more to give to others, to the people who matter to me.
And so, this is exactly what I did a month ago when I took a trip to New York by myself, leaving my husband and two children behind for a few days.
As someone who often travels to New York, I usually have a tendency to pack my schedule. There’s always a desire to meet everyone important to me and make the most of my time in the city, which, while a lot of fun, does have a tendency to leave me exhausted at the end of it. However, this last visit was different. I listened to a quiet voice inside me that whispered, “Take this day for yourself.” So, I did.
My day began in a cozy coffee shop in the West Village with a creamy latte and a good book. Next, I found myself at “Balthazar,” a famous eatery where I snagged a corner bar seat perfect for people-watching. I replayed memories of my many work trips when I used to dine by myself in various cities around the world, just enjoying being a stranger, an invisible observer of others and my own feelings. The day continued with me soaking in the holiday spirit at Bryant Park, wandering Madison Avenue with Ed Sheeran’s tunes as my backdrop, and concluded with a 90-minute massage at my favorite Brooklyn spot.
What a day that was—one I still remember vividly.
After that weekend, I came back home to my two little toddlers refreshed and ready to give my energy to them, and, equally important, I started my work week rejuvenated and ready to give everything I had to my clients.
Reflecting on this day, I realized how vital it is to occasionally step back and enjoy our own company.
Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish; prioritizing your own needs isn’t selfish. It’s critical for your mental and physical health. Only when you give to yourself can you give to others without falling off balance.
So when was the last time you took yourself on a date? Maybe the time is now?
