How to Handle Difficult People: The Perspective That Can Change Everything

I recently came across a LinkedIn post outlining different ways to handle difficult people. It listed practical and common advice such as broadening your perspective, staying positive, seeking support, setting boundaries, etc. While all of these tips are helpful, there’s one crucial piece of advice that, in my experience, has been the most transformative: understanding that difficult people usually act out not because of anything you’ve done, but because of what’s going on in their own lives.

It took me years of navigating challenging interactions to realize that when someone behaves unreasonably or rudely, it has far more to do with them than with me. This realization lifted a significant weight off my shoulders. Suddenly, I no longer felt the immediate sting of taking things personally or questioning my own worth.

Instead, I saw difficult people through a different lens—one tinted with empathy and understanding.

Think about it: we have all had that boss who raised their voice, made our workdays unnecessarily stressful, or seemed perpetually unfriendly. Initially, our instinct may be to internalize their behavior. We ask ourselves, What did I do wrong? Why are they acting this way toward me? Over time, this self-blame chips away at our confidence and self-worth. We may start second-guessing ourselves, feeling inadequate, and allowing negative thoughts to take root.

But here’s the truth: Most of the time, those emotions and assumptions are not grounded in reality. There’s often nothing wrong with us; instead, something is going on in the life of that difficult person. Perhaps they’re facing intense stress, dealing with sleep deprivation, grappling with issues at home, or struggling with challenges at work. Maybe their reaction to you is a symptom of unresolved frustrations or pressure they haven’t been able to manage.

By realizing that the behavior of difficult people usually reflects their internal struggles and not your value, you can start to shield yourself from the emotional impact. While, of course, this doesn’t absolve them from the responsibility of their poor behavior and the negative impact it has on the world around them (including the impact it has on you), it does make it easier for you to manage the impact of this behavior.

This perspective allows you to approach the situation with a clearer mind and steadier heart. Even more, it might evoke a sense of empathy for the person, shifting the way you interact with them from reactive to proactive.

So, the next time someone’s words or actions make your day harder, take a breath and remember: This isn’t my burden to carry; it’s theirs. This realization might even help you find a little compassion for them—and more importantly, peace for yourself.