Just Be Who You Truly Are

Being authentic at work is a topic that often comes up among my clients and friends. They frequently say, “I can't be who I want to be,” or “I need to put a mask on my face in the office,” or “I have to pretend to be someone I am not.”

But is this really necessary? Do you actually need to “put on a mask”? What do you mean when you say you are unable to simply be yourself?

I think this fear stems from an insecurity as to how people think they will be perceived by others, especially in a professional environment. What exactly are they afraid of?

Saying the wrong things and thus missing a promotion? Speaking their mind and thus alienating their team members? Showing their emotions and thus being labeled as someone, well, emotional? But if this is who you are, what is the problem with being just that? Will being authentic truly cost you those things?

I remember when I started working in New York and oftentimes would find myself being the sole foreigner in a room full of Americans. I remember how I would feel slightly off. The small talk about American sports I had no clue about (isn’t football supposed to be something you play with your feet?) or just the general banter that made zero sense to me made me feel clueless about what was going on around me, and indeed, in some cases, I felt like a true outsider. 

Similarly, when I was a student in the UK, my classmates would ask me how I was, and I would respond honestly about my feelings, sometimes saying, “Not so great” or even “Bad.” I remember the looks on their faces—they probably thought, “I don’t really need to know how she feels, I was just being polite,” and I realized that their question wasn't meant to probe deeply—it was just social chitchat. But to this day, I still choose to answer honestly.

Did I lose friends or become a loner? Not really; my social network was pretty extensive, and I had many close friends with whom I still keep in contact. 

People know me as honest, direct and not afraid of speaking my mind. Maybe in some instances this has gotten me into a bit of trouble, especially during the time when I worked my first professional job at a large advisory firm in Mexico, where I drafted a long email to a partner of the firm expressing my dissatisfaction with how our team was treated. For those of you familiar with Latin American culture, this is, let’s say, a fairly uncommon thing to take place. And, yes, was this a bit over the top? Looking back, I think it indeed was.

Now, would I change who I was or who I am now? Definitely not, because that experience taught me the importance of speaking up, even at the risk of discomfort or some adverse consequences, and I continue to value this honesty as a core part of my identity.

While it's true that situational adjustments can be necessary and being mindful of cultural differences, whether you happen to belong to the “majority” or “minority,” I do believe it doesn't require a fundamental shift in who you are. Building confidence in yourself and being comfortable with who you are means you never have to “put on a mask,” whether at work, in social settings or even in the comfort of your own home. It will also help you filter out relationships that aren't for you and help you build relationships based on real connections. 

After all, your boss hired you for who you are, not for someone you pretend to be. So maybe hiding who you are serves neither them nor yourself? 

By staying true to yourself, you attract the right people and open doors to opportunities that align with your values. At the end of the day, authenticity breeds fulfillment. And while there may be bumps along the way—like the occasional overzealous email or misstep—remember that the key is growth, not perfection.