Finding Power in Being The Problem
If you are encountering any issues in your life, especially as it relates to other people, have you ever tried to define the problem to be… you?
“Be the problem” is a concept I found in a book written by my favorite coach, Steve Chandler. Initially, this idea left me puzzled. My gut reaction was defensive: I am certainly not the problem in the issues in my life, nor do I want to perceive myself as one. Why would I ever choose to view myself in such a negative light?
Yet, after taking a moment to reflect more deeply, I realized it was actually a message of empowerment, not victimhood or guilt. By seeing yourself as “the problem,” you gain the power to resolve it. Blaming others often means solutions are non-existent, as it would require changing the behaviors of others—quite an impossible task.
Instead, by thinking that the problems might reside within me, it offered me an opportunity to see what changes I could make to improve the situation.
For instance, at home, I found myself frequently frustrated by the constant mess and disorganization. Initially, I blamed my family members for not picking up after themselves. However, when I assessed my own role, I realized that I hadn't set clear expectations or a system for chores. By acknowledging this, I realized I need to create a chore chart and use sticky notes as reminders for what needs to be done and when.
It worked miracles! This led to a better organized home and reduced the everyday stress over a messy home.
Through the acknowledgement of my own role in problems I face, I could easily navigate towards resolutions, rather than remain in a sea of blame and helplessness.
Now, going forward, by remembering the principle of "Be the problem," any challenge I face in my life will start by looking inward first. Instead of pointing fingers, I will ask myself, "What can I do differently to affect change?"
So don't be afraid to see yourself as the problem, as paradoxical as it may sound. This mindset isn’t about self-blame; it’s about proactively taking charge of the situations you face in your day-to-day life.
Knowing you are in charge of your life—not the other way around—is yet another transformative step towards the ultimate goal: achieving a peace of mind.
