The Power of The Words We Choose

​​“Now I will stop caring about others and focus on myself,” my mom proudly stated when she turned 60 a couple of years ago. Followed by a sheepish, “Sorry for sounding so selfish.”

I understood where she was coming from: having raised two daughters as a widow and working long hours as a doctor—if there is someone who deserved to “focus on herself,” it was my mom.

Maybe it was the words she chose—stop caring about others—that made her so self-conscious, and cast something fundamentally healthy, like self-care, in a negative light.

Later, whenever she tried doing more things for herself, she would tell me how it made her feel as a “bad person.” As a result, her efforts to invest in herself were short-lived.

So where was the disconnect?

The answer is simple: the words she chose. 

The stories we tell ourselves—by using certain words over others—can have a great impact on our emotions and actions. The good news is that we can consciously choose the story we tell ourselves. My mom didn’t mean to portray herself as someone selfish, but by accidentally choosing certain words, she set herself up to think about herself in just that way. 

Over time, she learnt to reframe her intentions to “I will spend time on myself and my own needs, so I can become an even better version of myself, allowing myself to give even more to others.” 

Do you see the difference?

While the initial phrasing was wrapped up in a negativity, the revised one offered a positive feel.

Thus, once she began using this new phrasing, she was able to shift her focus towards her health and happiness without any lingering feelings of guilt. She no longer saw herself as someone selfish; she was empowered and self-compassionate.

Over time, this led to a significant transformation. She became less exhausted, more content, and generally more pleasant to be around. As she fully embraced the words that framed self-care positively, she realized a profound truth: focusing on her own well-being actually made her a better parent, partner, friend, and overall a better human being.

So, remember to pick your words wisely and reframe the story you are telling yourself.

Because, as humans, stories—and the words that make them up—matter enormously. And finding a story that supports and nurtures you is a vital step toward achieving the ultimate goal: a peace of mind.