When You Are Worried, What Can You Do To Become Less Worried?
Sometimes people tell me that I am a pretty “chilled and relaxed” person. While this isn’t entirely wrong, I, like many, have moments where I find myself worrying, often about things that, in retrospect, don’t make sense.
Worrying is rarely a productive exercise, taking from us valuable mindshare and stealing what otherwise could be moments of joy.
I know: in fact, I used to worry about things—trivial and non-trivial—a lot in the past.
Recognizing this, I made an effort to try to “worry less.” (I know, easier said than done.)
What made it possible was how I changed my approach to managing these unwelcome feelings, and I want to share three key steps that helped me and which, hopefully, can help you, too.
The Problem
In the past, I would often find myself trapped in prolonged periods of worry, whether it was anxiety about meeting work deadlines or upcoming family travels. These episodes left me feeling powerless, and it seemed there was no other option than letting these feelings fade away on their own. Over time, I realized that this was not an effective strategy and I needed a more proactive approach.
The Turning Point
This past year, especially during my coaching training, I learned that we have the power to actively manage our emotions. This was an “aha moment” for me; I realized I could be in charge and control my emotions rather than the other way around. I committed to changing how I deal with worrying, knowing that real change in our behavior is possible if we are willing to “do the work.”
The Solution
So what changed for me? What did I start doing differently? The answer lies in three key practices. Here’s a simple example to explain each step better.
This Monday, I found myself worrying about the upcoming edition of my newsletter (yes, ironically the one you are reading right now).
With no topic in mind and a growing sense of nervousness, various anxious thoughts began to crowd my mind: my husband and I are traveling, and we don't have our nanny to help with the kids, so I don’t have much time to sit to just think and reflect on things.
Doubts started to creep in—how am I supposed to continue writing this newsletter for the next 8 weeks while continuously on the road? Perhaps I should just stop altogether; does anyone even read it? I might be exaggerating a bit here, but you see how the mind can start to spiral out of control.
Let’s put these three steps into practice now:
Awareness: After an hour of unproductive worrying, I realized I hadn't made any progress on choosing a new topic for my newsletter. Recognizing this, I took a deep breath, acknowledging the situation I found myself in and the emotions that currently were running through me. I wasn’t trying to suppress or avoid them. I consciously became aware of them and the impact they were having. Through this act of awareness, I felt liberated and knew it was time for the next step.
Pausing: I took a moment to step back and assess the situation. My primary concern was not having the newsletter ready for publication by Friday morning. A valid point, yes, yet still very much manageable. I asked myself practical questions: "How much time do I actually have?" (It’s still Monday, so there's time), "How can I organize my days to include time for thinking and writing?" (I can use mornings, afternoons, and evenings when the kids are asleep). This pause helped me calm my mind, see potential solutions and plan my next steps. I started to take ownership of my situation and actively seek solutions.
Action: I remembered the following piece of advice from a book: "When you are worried, what can you do to become less worried? Do you let your mind increase your worries with incoherent thoughts, or do you take action”? Over the following days, I dedicated specific times to sit down, think and write while my kids were asleep. This focused effort led me to choose a topic and complete my weekly write-up. Thus, I took deliberate steps to plan my week and carve out dedicated writing time. Simply put, I took action.
By applying awareness, pausing, and action, I managed to turn a potentially overwhelming situation into a productive and insightful experience.
The Outcome
By asking myself critical questions—"What can I do about my worries?” “Can I take any action?"—I noticed a rapid and significant improvement in my emotional state. I no longer lingered in a state of worrying, something I probably would have done in the past. By actively working through these feelings, I have been able to greatly reduce their frequency and intensity.
The three key words—awareness, pausing, and action—have revolutionized my approach to dealing with worrying. This method can offer anyone similar relief and control over their emotional state if done consistently.
Try it, and you may find that you, too, can manage your worries more effectively than ever before.
Remember – awareness, pausing, action.
