Stop Arguing With Reality: A Getaway To Greater Peace

"The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is." 

When I came across this statement the first time, a statement found in a book by Katie Byron, a speaker and author renowned for her method of self-inquiry, I had to pause and read it over numerous times, slowly. It carried the weight of something profound—but what, exactly, did it mean?

It took me multiple readings to fully grasp the impact of her message, which centers on recognizing when our thoughts conflict with the actual reality before us.

Recognizing When You're Arguing with Reality

Typically, “arguing with reality” happens when we dwell on things that happened—or didn’t happen—such as “I should have asked for that promotion last year,” “I shouldn’t have spent so much money this past month,” or “My significant other should be more romantic,” etc.

These types of thoughts achieve nothing. 

Well, that is not exactly true. What they do is to provoke a host of negative emotions and breed turmoil inside our heads, while concurrently doing nothing to improve the situation. A definite “lose-lose” scenario.

Take my own experience, for instance. I was let go from a job last year where I dedicated ten years of my life, an experience that could have been devastating. And, initially, it certainly was.

Despite understanding it wasn’t anything “personal,” my mind nevertheless overflowed with thoughts such as, “I should have been much more proactive,” “I shouldn't have said no to that project,” “I should have worked longer hours,” and so on and so forth. These were my ways of arguing with reality.

Accepting The Reality and Moving Forward

What has happened, has happened. Where you are is where you need to be, even though it might be hard to accept in the moment.

While acknowledging your life and accepting the way things currently are can seem demotivating—”Really? I should just accept what happened (is happening) and not work on improving my life?”—it is essential to stop arguing with what is and instead accept it. 

This acceptance allows you to address your situation from a constructive standpoint. Again, taking myself as an example, I could have kept on repeating to myself, “I shouldn’t have lost my job,” an approach that would have left me stuck, unable to move forward, rather than shifting to, “I lost my job. It sucks. But what can I learn from this? What actions can I now take?” 

The first approach positions you as a victim; the second frames you as an agent of change and growth. One keeps you stagnant; the other helps you to move forward.

No matter how “dark” your current situation is, there is something liberating in accepting the way things are rather than how you’d like things to be.

It may not be what you want. You may find yourself in a place you’d never thought you’d end up in. But now that you’re here, accepting how things are is what ultimately will allow yourself to move forward.

And, who knows? Maybe the path before you will lead to a better place, a place that previously would have been unavailable to you?

Remember, true peace comes from accepting the present and refraining from arguing the reality of what is.